


hiding the tears that fall like rain

by jar_of_light



Category: Marvel 616
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, M/M, Mpreg, Not A Fix-It, Omega Tony Stark, Stillbirth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:47:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22602703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jar_of_light/pseuds/jar_of_light
Summary: Tony stifled a sob, then another sob, and he rushed to the nearest room. He released the catches of his armor and collapsed onto the bathroom tile, sobbing while bile bubbled out of his mouth. He coughed, and the tears intermingled with the acrid puddle. None of this pain was worth it, but they couldn’t go back now. While curled up in a fetal position, Tony pressed a shaking hand to his stomach where it was beginning to protrude. It wasn’t a lot, and Tony’s clothes were still enough to hide it.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 11
Kudos: 135





	hiding the tears that fall like rain

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the poem "Behind the Mask" by Melisa Bernards.
> 
> _Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain  
>  Hiding the tears that fall like rain.  
> Saying I'm fine , when I'm anything but,  
> This ache In my soul rips at my gut.  
> My skin is on fire, I burn from within  
> The calm on my face is an ongoing sin.  
> The world must stay out, I've built up a wall  
> My fragile lie will collapse should it ever fall.  
> Loneliness consumes me, it eats away the years  
> Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.  
> Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask  
> And care enough to remove it, is that too much to ask?_

The truth of the matter was, Tony had given his heart and soul to Steve Rogers, and he would always be bonded to the man through the ups and the downs.

But even the highest of highs couldn’t equate to the lowest of lows when he saw the utterly disappointed face of his Alpha behind the bars. He  _ disappointed _ him, and that was the worst feeling. It was just as well that Tony was in his armor, staring at Steve through his HUD because he wasn’t sure he could stand under his own volition.

Steve walked forward until there was merely a foot between them, separated only by the bars of the jail cell. “Tell me,” Steve asked, looking at him with disapproval, “was it worth it?”

A tear dripped down Tony’s face, and then another one, and Tony was glad that his armor masked the waves of sadness. He wanted to fall to his knees and grovel, press his cheek against Steve’s feet and apologize. This pain and the separation wasn’t worth it, and Tony knew it.

“It wasn’t worth it,” he whispered. Good thing his mic was off. He couldn’t show weakness now.

He had a duty to the people, and it had to be worth it, for any other answer would have all been in vain. Tony choked on his breath, clamped down the misery, and turned away. If he didn’t, he would step out of his armor, unlock the jail cell, and beg for Steve’s forgiveness.

He didn’t deserve forgiveness now, especially not when he put Steve through this much pain.

Tony stifled a sob, then another sob, and he rushed to the nearest room. He released the catches of his armor and collapsed onto the bathroom tile, sobbing while bile bubbled out of his mouth. He coughed, and the tears intermingled with the acrid puddle. None of this pain was worth it, but they couldn’t go back now. While curled up in a fetal position, Tony pressed a shaking hand to his stomach where it was beginning to protrude. It wasn’t a lot, and Tony’s clothes were still enough to hide it.

Yet it still stung, because Tony wanted to share this news to Steve despite all the pain he had gone through. He couldn’t share the news of the baby.

Tony cradled his stomach, looking blindly ahead, tears drying on his face. He felt numb. He had to walk away from Steve for the sake of SHRA, but if he had a choice, he would have said fuck it all and crawled back into bed with Steve, where he would be protected and loved.

Instead, all he had was a cold bed and cold sheets when he arrived home, feeling like he was a million miles away from his Alpha. And even though he needed sleep, he couldn’t, just like always, because he was all alone in the Tower without Steve by his side. Tony grabbed Steve’s pillow and brought it to his face, inhaling the fading scent.

Soon, he wouldn’t be able to have this either, once the scent was gone entirely, and fresh tears streamed down his face He wanted Steve but he couldn’t have that. All he had left were echoes of him. The pillow soaked up his tears.

And there was also the baby. With bated breath, Tony curled around his stomach, looking down at his baby. Their baby. Even if he couldn’t feel any love for himself for all the transgressions he had against his Alpha, he at least could love their child and nurture it to be better than him. At least he had that - half of Steve. Voice shaking, Tony murmured love at it, and the night passed with Tony only having eyes for his unborn baby.

When the alarm rang, piercing through the cold and silent room, Tony automatically reached for the bond. For a moment, the line was bright, warm, loving, and Tony held his breath as he sent love back. Then, reality set in, and all that was left was a dull ache in his heart because they weren’t that, not anymore. Tony forcibly clamped down his own feelings to stop himself from crying again. Tony got up, mechanically buttoned down his suit, and looked at the deep bags under his eyes.

He wanted to go out like this, show Steve how much he was hurting, show the world how much this entire bill wasn’t worth it, but it would be a weakness. His position was already tenuous; it wouldn’t serve him well to give the public any more ammunition. So, he slowly dabbed foundation on, covering the agony written on his face, until all was left was the deep-set pain in his eyes. He couldn’t cover that, not really. With a sigh, he settled the sponge back on his dresser and the armor wrapped around him like a cocoon. He took off towards the direction of Capitol Hill.

Steve, despite being defeated and his hands held back in chains, stood proudly at the base of the steps, looking up in defiance. He always operated that way, fighting the future and thus making the past better. And as Steve’s eyes settled upon Tony, Tony knew that he was one of those obstacles that barred the way to a better future. Tony huffed wetly, so hurt yet also so proud of him, because that was the man who he bonded to, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

All he could do was beg for forgiveness, and ask Steve to take him back. Tell him about their baby that he carried. He needed his Alpha. Tony watched as Steve climbed the stairs, ignoring all the cacophony of noises that surrounded them. Steve kept staring at Tony, and Tony couldn’t pull away from the intense stare. Like always, Steve captured Tony’s heart.

And then the shot rang out, over the noise of everything, and Tony’s body was moving before his mind had caught up to what had happened. Steve was sprawled on the steps, his lifeblood spilling out onto the marble below.

“No, no, no, no,” Tony said desperately, knees cracking on the steps next to Steve. His fingers scrabbled to press against the fatal wound, but blood still seeped through his fingers. “Steve, you can’t die!”

Already the life was fading from Steve’s eyes, even as he struggled to keep his eyesight upon Tony. “Pretty omega,” he mouthed and Tony sobbed, pressing his forehead against Steve’s.

“Alpha, I need you,” he whispered. “I’m pregnant.”

But Steve’s already gone. Tony’s heart dropped out of his chest as the bond faded. He threw up bile beside Steve’s head, and he could feel his body shutting down from shock.

Because he knew that with one life gone, he lost both. And all he had left was regret and pain.

**Author's Note:**

> There was an unmarked grave beside the magnificent one of Steve Rogers, and a man kneeled in front of the newly turned soil. A hat covered his tear streaked face, his mouth downturned into a frown of regret. He choked back sobs as he pressed his hand upon the headstone, but even he couldn’t stop the tears from dripping onto the marble. Finally, he placed a bouquet of white lilies on the dirt and walked away.


End file.
